You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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