Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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