Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
