Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
