Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
