i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
