ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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