Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
