2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
