Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
