ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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