I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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