Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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