my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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