Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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