so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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