i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
