I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
