im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I love you. Go after that dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
