i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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