Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
