Me. At least after what I've been through.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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