It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So squirting runs in the family.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
