Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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