Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
