There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
