I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
