She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
