i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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