Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
