How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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