whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
