my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
