Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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