remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
