Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
