What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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