don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
