Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
