I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
