Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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