; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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