You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
