I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
