I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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