i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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