I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
