i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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