It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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