Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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