well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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