After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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