I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
