Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
